I looked over to my left and there was a
woman in a brand new Cadillac
doing 65 mph with her
face up next to her
rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner.


I looked away
for a couple seconds
and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane,
still working on that makeup.


As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I dropped
my electric shaver,
which knocked the donut
out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying
to straighten out the car
using my knees against
the steering wheel,my cell phone
away from my ear which fell
into the coffee between my legs,
splashed, and burned
Big Jim and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone,
soaked my trousers,
and disconnected an
important call.

Crazy women drivers

Robert Carpenter