More Funny Signs

Plumber:
"We repair what your husband Fixed."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeons office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's Hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At A Laundry Shop:
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a Towing Company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an Electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push."

At an Optometrists Office:
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Butchers window:
"Let me meat your needs."

On a fence:
"Salesman Welcome, Dog food is expensive."

At a car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming."

Outside a Hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

In a Veterinarians waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

On the door of a Computer Store:
"Out for a quick byte."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselors office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."

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The following Funny Signs were recently collected in Great Britain by a fancier of the absurd:

1. IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

2. IN A LONDON DEPARTMENT STORE: Bargain Basement Upstairs.

3. IN AN OFFICE: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken.

4. IN ANOTHER OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

5. ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance)

6. OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything--bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.

7. QUICKSAND WARNING: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.

8. NOTICE IN A DRY CLEANER'S WINDOW: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

9. IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.

10. SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car

11. SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.

12. NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

13. MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

14. ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door--the bell doesn't work)

15. SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

  Additions January 9. 2000